Silver Heart
by witchchild
Summary: Remus struggles with the wolf and learns how to be himself, who or whatever that may be. RL/SB romance in later chapters. Rating may go up.
1. Prologue

Author's notes: This story takes place during MWPP days, and is centered on Remus's struggles with his lycanthropy. The prologue, posted below, is written in first person, but the rest of the story will be written in third person.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

SILVER HEART

****

Prologue

Full moon tonight. The darkness calls me, claiming me for its own. I am wild and free, burning inside my own body, waiting for the change that will allow me to run through the forest, flying over the brush. I will race the wind, cry out my challenge to the very spirits of the night, and never be conquered. I am young and wild and burning with the need to be free.

But not yet.

I am standing at the window of the tower, watching the sun fall lower and lower in the sky. The horizon is painted a thousand radiant shades of red and gold, a glorious tapestry of light and flame. I am burning like the sun, the wolf in me howling to be let loose, let free, let _go_.

The sun blazes, throwing out a last farewell in striking tones too brilliant to behold, before sinking out of sight.

It is time. I can feel her behind me, smell her pity and fear. I can smell the metal of the cage she will lead me to, and I bare my teeth in a snarl, a furious growl escaping my throat.

The change has begun, and I should already be caged. Her pity allowed me to stay and watch the sunset, but her fear forces her to approach, and pull me away from the window. I snap at her, my canines already growing longer, sharper. I flex my fingers, reveling in the power and strength coursing through my veins even as I struggle to hold onto my humanity for just another moment.

She sees the danger, backs away from me. I study her, her scent heavy in the air, her pulse beating loudly in the silence. I want to leap on her, to rip and rend and tear her human flesh, taste the hot blood just beneath the skin.

"Remus."

Her voice is unsteady, frightened, and I hate her for it. In less than a heartbeat I am on her, crushing the breath from her lungs, clawing at her flesh until I feel bone scraping against my fingers. Her screams ring in my ears and I throw my head back and howl, the scent of her blood tugging at the wildness within me, the burning, the longing to be free…I shake my head as the room spins around me.

My body trembles with the pain of changing, but I pull myself away from her, back slowly into the cage. She looks so young, lying placidly as her blood seeps across the floor. She _is_ young, though, new to her path; too young for this. I snarl, still drawn to her, to the blood still spilling forth from wounds I caused. Wounds I still want to taste.

I can feel cold metal against my back, the cage pressing into my skin. The wolf in me struggles, and I know I am weakening, that in a moment I will lose all resolve and run, and let Hell welcome any who get in my way. And she, she is dead already, or dying. It will not matter to her. I leap for the opening, burning to be out, burning to be free, and only at the last minute do I manage to turn my body and slam the cage door shut.

I collapse onto the floor, but in an instant leap up again and throw my twisted body at the bars. My muscles shift and contract, and I howl my anguish into the silence. As the pain of changing fades, a wolf's anger grows. It burns in me, the fury that I am caged, the desire, still, for the body and blood lying just out of reach. Rip and rend and tear. I am burning with the need for it, to be free, and I throw myself at the metal bars in an impotent rage, slashing, biting, howling. But at last the cage wins out, proving stronger than my anger and pain, and I can only lie on the floor drifting in and out of consciousness until dawn.


	2. Part 1

Author's notes: I have only recently begun posting on ff.net, so it may take me a few more posts to learn the ins and outs of the system. 

This story takes place during MWPP days, and is mostly about Remus, and how he deals with his lycanthropy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, nothing HERE, anyway. 

Feedback is appreciated, and anything constructive will be taken into account. Flames will have buckets of water poured on them. 

SILVER HEART

Part 1

Remus Lupin blinked, choking back a moan as he tried to sit up. Bruised muscle protested the movement, and the deep gouges in his arms and legs tore open anew, leaking a steady stream of fresh blood to coat the flaky, rust-colored paint already covering his skin. He smiled at the twinge of pain, and used the spark of adrenaline it provoked to lever himself into an upright position. Much better. Or maybe not.

A splash of dark color on the floor caught his eye, and he blanched. Remus knew too well the scent, taste, and color of his own blood, knew and welcomed its slick warmth on his fingers. There was blood on the floor, outside the cage. Blood not his own.

His heart pounded wildly, ringing in his ears, and his breath came in short, harsh gasps. He'd been only two lunar cycles at Hogwarts, and already he'd be expelled. Choking back a sob, Remus dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands, curling up with his back pressed against the metal bars. 

Outside the room, voices rose and fell softly. Footsteps echoed just beyond the doorway, and Remus heard the headmaster chuckle warmly.

"There's no harm done, Poppy—you need only be a bit more careful next time, is all. We don't demand perfection from apprentices, after all. You've another year before you're expected to be omniscient."

"Of course, Headmaster." Poppy Pomfrey's voice was clear and steady, and Remus relaxed somewhat. He rose to his feet as the door opened, standing stiffly, but not looking up. He had no right to meet anyone's gaze, not after attacking the assistant nurse last night. The cage door creaked open, and he clenched his fists, trying to control the trembling in his entire body.

"Mr. Lupin." 

Cool fingers nudged at his chin, urging him to look up. Remus dared a quick glance, shame and fear filling his amber eyes as he shuddered beneath the headmaster's calm gaze. Dumbledore's voice, when he spoke, was stern and compassionate.

"As you no doubt heard me tell Miss Pomfrey a moment ago, no harm has been done."

Remus glanced sharply at the floor, eyes coming to rest on the large patch of dried blood there. Dumbledore sighed, correctly identifying the self-recrimination on the boy's face.

"Mr. Lupin, what happened last night was not your fault, and you should by no means blame yourself. As you can see, Miss Pomfrey is perfectly fine, and much the wiser for her own ordeal, I'm sure."

Remus considered this before speaking. "I'm not to be expelled, then?"

"My dear boy, of course not! This is a new situation for us, as well as for you, and some mistakes are bound to be made! Rest assured, you will not be punished for the oversight of your superiors."

A tentative smile that didn't reach his eyes spread across Remus's face, but he avoided meeting the headmaster's eyes.

"You'll wish to return to the hospital wing, I assume. Some of those scratches on your arms are truly dreadful."

Remus shrugged, but followed Miss Pomfrey down from the tower. He didn't see the headmaster frown at his docility, nor the pensive look in his eye. No, Remus watched his feet carry him away from the blood-soaked floor, and wondered only why he didn't feel relieved that he'd be permitted to stay.

~*~

"Remus!"

Upon entering the Gryffindor common room, Remus was immediately accosted by a veritable tidal wave of noise, the crest of which emanated from James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. The trio converged on Remus at once, chattering excitedly with youthful enthusiasm. Sirius was the loudest, and it was therefore his garbled words that Remus heard first.

"Oh, Remus, I can't believe you missed it! We all heard it, it was awful, James reckons it was one of the ghosts, but I asked a third year, and he told me that the ghosts don't sound like that! Anyway, Peter says it was a banshee, and we'll all have to be sent home until it's gone. We probably won't even have homework!"

James laughed, elbowing Sirius sharply. "Idiot! How will Remus know what happened if you explain it like _that?_" His eyes sparkled with good-natured humor, and Sirius scowled jokingly. "What Sirius was _trying_ to tell you, Remus, is that last night there was this bloody awful howling noise, all over the grounds. We could all hear it in the dorms, and Peter here was in the kitchens when it started, and he said he could hear it there, too!"

"Hey, if we hear it again, we should go look for it and find out what it is! You have to be here next time, Remus!" Sirius was grinning madly at the prospect, and Remus dredged up a weak smile in return. 

These were his friends. 

"James, Peter, Sirius, I'm really tired. Do you mind if I just go and lie down for a bit? The trip was a bit rough."

Three faces immediately took on a concerned aspect. Three pairs of hands swiftly ushered him toward the dormitory stairs. Remus sighed with relief as he at last collapsed on his bed.

These were his friends. And Remus was thankful beyond a doubt that they did not suspect what he was. 


End file.
